A Love Letter to the Little Brother from "Teen Witch"
...and to all annoying younger siblings in Halloween movies.
Marlon Brando in The Godfather. Jack Nicholson in The Shining. Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump. Performances like these have blown our minds, stolen our hearts, and gone down in history. But no actor has ever captured the greatness that is Joshua John Miller as Richie in Teen Witch.
Teen Witch (1989) is an accidentally-camp teen comedy about high school misfit Louise, who discovers she has magical abilities a week before her sixteenth birthday. With her newfound powers, Louise (played by Robyn Lively) snags the football star and boosts her popularity until she learns it's not all it's cracked up to be.
We first meet Richie, Louise’s annoying younger brother, under his sister’s bed reading her diary and eating an entire chocolate cake. Either the creators of Teen Witch took the concept of weird brothers and cranked it up to level ten, or they gave Joshua John Miller complete artistic liberty. There is no in-between.
Richie delivers his lines like he’s a 1940s chain-smoking detective or an Italian grandmother from Brooklyn who swears that her meatballs are the best in the world. Have a look for yourself:
Is that … a marshmallow pizza and an apron that says “Eat your heart out”?
And it’s not just this scene. In this next one (the context of which I literally can’t even explain), Richie’s indiscernible accent is coupled with even more confusing facial expressions.
I’m not sure what it is about Richie that brings me back to this film every Halloween. Maybe it’s his one-liners such as, “No one’s coming to your sweet sixteen party, Louise.” Or maybe it’s his assumed non-conformity. In a 2013 interview with Vice, Joshua John Miller reflected on his newfound appreciation for Richie, when a drag queen named Peaches Christ explained to Miller how “there was something sexually ambiguous” about Richie that gave him a sense of comfort. “That meant the world to me,” Miller said. “From then on, I was proud. I don’t take compliments from drag queen’s lightly, because they have no problem telling you what time it is.” Miller, who is openly gay, believes Richie’s inflection is similar to the Mid-Atlantic accent of old Hollywood, with actresses like Bette Davis speaking in some American-British hybrid. It makes sense that a former theatre kid like me would gravitate towards a 12-year-old boy who speaks like Judy Garland. Whatever it may be, I hereby declare my love for Richie from Teen Witch.
P.S. This ode to Teen Witch would be remiss without including the film’s iconic musical number, “Top That!” Instead of popular jocks ruling the school, it’s a group of white boys who rap.
(My theory about 30 Rock still reigns true, even if parts of the show didn’t age well.)
Here are some honorable mentions of the best annoying siblings in Halloween movies:
Dani, Hocus Pocus
Indie darling Thora Birch steals every scene as Dani Dennison, especially when she drags her brother for being a virgin.
Dylan, Halloweentown
Justice for middle children! All Dylan wanted was to watch his nature documentaries. It’s not easy being the funniest member of the family!
Linus, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown
The earliest pop culture example of neurodivergence.
